His first wound

Yesterday night, he was playing in our bed.

We have got an extended wooden wall stretched around our bed to stop him from falling. He likes to play with that fence. Hold it and stand up. He would stand and then fall back on bed when he gets tired.

Yesterday, he fell and his forehead hit the fence. He has hurt his head many times, but every time it has been slight. When kids play, they tend to get hurt once in a while. And, he's in that age when he'll just not sit still. He has to keep doing something or the other. He wouldn't stay in your lap or arms. He just wants to get out and do something on his own. He is so fierce at it that he will force himself out of your hold, if he wants to. So, we had let him be and stretched the fence. (It's installed through hinges so we can remove it when we wish to, and stretch it at night.)

Yesterday, when he hurt himself, he cried loud, he cried for long. His crying, I've still got okay with. But, the wound. Ohhh! The wound hit me hard. I can't explain how much it was hurting me. The hit left him with a blue scar on his forehead. My MIL and FIL kept calming me down while tending to him. But, it felt like nothing could console me. I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop the hurt it was causing me.

They say that the scar will go away in a day or two. And, it will not hurt him coz we've put the machine oil on it, which is considered best for such wounds. But, I think it'll take me more than that to heal.

This has been his second major wound in this one month. Last time, in Hyderabad, I had fallen with him in my arms. And, his head had hit the lift's pavement. Straight on his head. Ohh! Everything had gone blur in front of my eyes. I had forgotten my wound. I just knew he's hurt. It's great that the people around us were so caring that they helped us right away. But, a wound is a wound. And, when it is on your child's body rather than yours, trust me, it hurts ten times more. I can understand it now.

I remember when I had snipped his nail a bit more while cutting his nails. He hadn't cried or anything but I felt jitters for almost 10 minutes.

I better get used to it. Now, with him growing up, such things are normal. Let's see how long it takes me to get normal to them. God, now I know, why they call it blood relations and what they mean by motherly love. More than the blood, it's a piece of my soul running in him. Before he feels anything, I feel it. And, it's not vice versa.

Nani visit

Since it was shut-down time for me, I and Anay went to my Mom's place. The plan was to spend the entire holidays there but we had to return home early. All in all, we spent 4 days there and 3 days back home. 


This was a revelation time for me. Anay has started recognizing people and places. He was so cranky and insecure at mom's place. The moment we reached there, he got fevicol glued to me .Literally. He just wouldn't leave me. If he's sitting and playing, and someone enters the door, he starts crying. He wants to be in his mother's arms and feel safe. He created havoc before he went to sleep. He would cry so hard, so loud and only in my arms. One night it so happened that I rocked him to sleep in my lap, and the moment I put him down on bed, he would wake up and start crying. He did thrice. Then, he didn't stop crying for almost 30 minutes. Then, when Pranshu came, distracted him, played with him, he calmed down and got busy playing. It was mad. I was so tired and so drained out by the end of it, I couldn't even keep awake to wait for him to sleep again. He just kept playing by my side on the bed while I slept. Then he slept in around half-n-hour or so.


When Tarun came on Wednesday to take us back home, he wouldn't stay calm even in his arms. He wanted me. It would have been nice a feeling in normal circumstances, but I was so damn tired in the past 4 days, of holding him in my arms all the time, or cradling him to sleep while he howled and cried loud, that I was all the more sad to see that he wasn't comfortable with Tarun. I was dreadful that if this continues, what will I do. My back was aching so much that I came to know of joints in my spine, that I never knew of. Everything was aching in me.


Anyways, thankfully, he only took some time before getting easy again. When we returned home, he took some time before getting easy with Amma-Baba and then got back to his normal. Now, he does need me off and on but doesn't just stick to me all the time. So, it's a happy feeling for me. An amazing feeling now to see him drooling his love over me. Falling on me to sleep again, when awake in the middle of his sleep. Circling his body around me. :)


Bliss!

Shut-down period

Tarun's shut down begins a week before mine. So, this week was when he stayed at home while I went to office. This has given Tarun and Anay some quality time together. While Tarun felt tired and exhausted by this baby-sitting in the first two days, he started enjoying it all in the third day. He took Anay to the park in afternoon. Winter afternoons, lazy, laid back, sun shining down on you, and your son toddling around, crawling here n there on the grass.
He called me to share the experience, and more likely, to make me jealous. But, having experienced such a thing myself, I was more happy and content. :) 
The bad side is that initially, when I used to get home, Anay used to be waiting eagerly for me but ever since his father was home all day, he totally stopped. :( Yesterday, when I reached, Tarun was out for some work, and I got to enjoy time with Anay again, the same way. :)
All's well that ends well! :)

naadaa love

Anay completely adores strings..no matter where they are, he will go behind it and get it into his mouth. His adulation for this is so crazy that if he has to chose between a mobile and a naada, he'll go behind the naada.
He sees his own nappy's naada, he'll pull it and start mouthing it. He sees mine, he starts playing with it, trying his best to get into his mouth. Silly boy.
He always had a penchant for necklaces. I never knew that it was actually his naada love that drove him towards them. :P :)
Lallu beta mera.


And, btw, yesterday he got his birth certificate registered with the name of "Anay"
So he his formally, officially, medically and ever-lly Anay Aggarwal now.
Sounds cool na!? "AA". As I always wanted it to be. Ever since my pregnancy.


While Anay was in my womb, I had decided on two names Anay, or Avni.
If it had been a girl, I wanted to name her Avni and for a boy, Anay.
And why both from A, coz I wanted the surname and first name to have the same initials - so 'A'.
:) Silly reason but that's how it was for me.


Smiles,
Mumma

he is a snail now :P

Nov 14th, 2011, Anay begins to show some signs of crawling. He doesn't do precise 'ghutman' as we call it. He messes up the bedsheet to move towards the object, which mostly is a mobile :P


It's lovely to see him keep going to and fro, behind the phone, across the bed. You keep the object in approachable, visible area and he'll surely go behind it. He'll sit, then fall towards the object, then move his legs a bit in absurd ways and then sit again, a lil closer to the object. And, he keeps doing the loop till he reaches his destination. His destination is to 'eat' that mobile. Right now, he just wants to put everything in his mouth, whether it's a cloth, whether it's a toy, whether it's a utensil, or it's a mobile. 


Also, he specifically enjoys when I call him 'ganda, hat gande' (bad boy, get away bad boy :P). He finds special fun there. :D
He loves playing 'tiger tiger' with me. I love to bite (not exactly with my teeth but just with my mouth) his cheeks and he also does the same. I totally mouth them in. He superbly enjoys it and I enjoy it just the way Edward must have enjoyed Bella. :P Some fun, some refrained. 
So, in return, he opens his mouth, ready to bite me, without teeth (Haahaha!) wherever he can. In this, he has even slashed my lip once with his mighty nails. I cherish that cut on my upper lip. :) :P 


I have always referred to him as 'my cub' on networking sites. I want him to be like a tiger (symbolically, of course). So, I love him when he does anything like that. I don't want him to be super-cute, super-sensitive and super-caring like his father. I don't mind anything else being in him but just that. Want him to be more strong and rough-tough. Plus, I want him 6-feet. :D My brother is, and I just love it. 
It's not that I don't like the traits of Tarun. I don't mind him getting his cute looks (in childhood), I don't mind if he inherits the humility, the maturity, the soft-spoken, the care for his mom, but I just want the height, the looks and the heart to be different. Heart has to be mine + Tarun. For sure!! :)


If he gets even some part of the manly-me, he'll be what I want him to be. :) Am sure he will.

and he starts to sit

On 5th Nov'2011, me and Tarun are sleepy and want Anay to sleep. But, he's all in play mood. He won't sleep. Tarun forces him down to bed so that he sleeps. And, whoosh!! He turns around and sits back...on his own.
We both look at each other, recollecting what we just saw...whether we were too much in sleep to imagine all of that or we actually saw that. And, we both laughed giving a hi-five to each other. Then, we reason that perhaps Tarun was holding his legs that ways that he could get up coz of that and brush away the thought.
But, in the coming two days, he clears all doubts. He grapples, turns the sheets in and out, but manages to sit up ..all by himself :) :)
It's a new development and it is a wonderful feeling :)

   

I get sad when you're late.... :(

These days, there have been times when I had to stay back in office or due to some reason, I reached home late. My MIL keeps updating me how Anay was continuously looking at the gate around your usual time, waiting for you. 


I always try to NOT believe her. But, the other day, I saw it. I returned late due to urgent work at office. Though I tried to make it early, I still reached home around 8. As is the norm, my MIL brings him to the gate whenever I reach home, she brought him with her. As soon as the gate opened, I didn't even keep my laptop down, and took him in my arms. He came silently. But, he was extremely silent. And, sad. :( :(


I maybe overdoing it by thinking that he was sad coz I came late but it was so written on his face. After a little while, in which Tarun played with him, did silly things in front of him, he was returning to his usual self, but I somewhere knew that he gets sad when I don't come in time.


He was avoiding my gaze...not throwing hands like he usually does when he's happy/excited. He was too silent. Later, I tried to make up to him by spending time with him, but the long day was taking its toll, and I was tired and not my usual spirited self. I just wanted him to sleep while he wanted to play.


This thought is so irksome and so sad. I know he wont remember it for long. He'll be fine when I return at normal time today. He may just get used to my coming late in some time. But, as an adult, I won't forget these sacrifices he had to make for my independence, my work, my identity.


No matter how much working-ladies try, they cannot deny that kids do suffer somewhere.