Women

"Women,.... make a man want to shoot himself in the head and be done with it."


This pretty much sums what women do to a man in a relationship, as per a man's perspective. You ask any man whose been in a serious relationship, and he would agree to this. I read this somewhere and really liked it. So, you can take this to be true too. Or, you could go the hard way and figure it out yourself. And, come to the same conclusion :)


But, is that how I, your Mom, would explain the relationship between herself and your father? No. It goes much deeper than this. And I sincerely hope that your dad, despite agreeing with above, would say that I'm the best thing that happened to him. :)


Love is the best emotion, a great support and a continuous fall-back when it happens at the right time, at the right age, to the right person. But, if it goes wrong, as it often does, it leaves a lot of scars to yourself and to all others involved. 


That is why, it's best to let it happen on it's own, at it's own time and pace. Not to go looking for it. I know it's easier said than done. But, when I got married to your Dad, I penned the following lines.
" Love is like a tree which blossoms and grows as long as we both keep watering it."


This means that as long as we both want to be together and wish to keep loving each other, we'll keep making efforts. We'll do whatever it takes to be together, no matter what the odds. But, the moment someone grows out of it and stops watering the love tree, love will fade out and will die one day. 


Since it's a tree which needs continuous or at least periodic attention, it's best to have it once you're settled in life. Perhaps, that's the reason people get married or chose their partners once they are settled in their careers. 


There are lot many ups and downs that come in a relationship. The different expectations, difference in humans make it a big effort to make it work together. But, once you're beyond that point, it's a great support to have. The kind of warmth and freedom you feel, to know that you've someone who understands you, and wouldn't mock you if you cry...it's a precious thing to have. When it is backed with a marriage, the whole society, the world tries to help you deal with it. But, when it's outside the wedlock, you agree to face a lot of it and much more, alone.


Well, these things will come when you're seriously in love with the girl. If you're not, please honor me with this one rule which I would like you to follow.
No matter what state you're in, whatever your expectations are from the lady, always remember to respect her. They are more than just sex objects and a show-off for your friends. You maybe immature but your misdeeds/mishandling can shape/de-shape someone's future. And, you don't need to go too far to spoil it. Girls are too tender and their hearts can be broken by just playing with their feelings. You would meet a lot of girls who would show to be very hard and tom-boyish on the face of it, but inside, they all come from the same species. Trust me! 


If you ever are in a situation where you never felt for her but she feels for you, please spare her the sympathies and be honest. Have the courage and be honest and tell her your real feelings. It may hurt her then but she would respect you much much more than if you rather accept her and be dishonest with her.


Anay, I know the post is too short and the topic is too wide. Hope it is a tiny bit useful.


Love,
Mom.

Walk with my son

Anay has started walking almost by himself. Well, it's still almost coz I feel that his balance has not yet strengthened fully and it'll need some more time for him to be called as 'walking'.
On Sunday evening, I took him downstairs for his usual evening outing. Normally, we take him to the swings, get him to take some rides, occasionally sit on bench while he ponders around, and then head back home. All this activity takes around 30 minutes, at max. I know, that's like too less for a kid. But, that's the maximum I can roam around him.
So, this Sunday, I let him roam rather than take him to the swings. And, to my surprise, he didn't go to the swings. He went to the shrubs around...touched their leaves, then walked some more. Went to the badminton area. He would silently look at me, whenever he needed my help, in let's say, climbing the stairs. I don't know how but his body language, his eyes communicate whatever there is for him to say. :) It's a nice feeling. It feels like it's just a mom-son thing, even if it's not. :P
So, I took him around the society. He  went everywhere. He directed the walk and never myself. He picked a feather of a pigeon, watched the birds flying in the sky, looked at the sky-rocketing towers in the society, at the balconies and the under-wears drying there. Basically, everything that makes the world, makes our life.

It seemed like I was showing him the world. It seemed like it was a walk together. I understood what they meant when they said "Best friends are those with whom you don't talk and still it's the best conversation you had". I mean, I never thought that a blabbering person like me could ever understand such  a silent conversation. But, my son brought that experience to me through this walk.

It was really a walk to remember.

To add to the tit-bits happening, Anay has started taking a lot of interest in girls suddenly :P
On multiple occasions he has shown biased nature, inclining towards girls than boys. Isn't it too early, kid?? Well, as they say in hindi "poot ke pair paalne mein nazar aa jate hain".

For the fun for readers, let me put down the instances which have forced us family-members to see that he's actually a lady's man!
1. Me, T and my FIL had gone to dentist. MIL wasn't well so we took Anay along. At the dentist, in the waiting area, FIL was trying to keep him busy with a key-bunch while I and T went on with our doc visit. Anay forcefully takes the keys from FIL, gives it to the lady (in her teens/20s) sitting next. She gives it back to him, he takes it then puts it back on her palm. Does this thrice. Then, she playfully, closes her fist with the keys inside and he gives a nice, lovely smile to her...almost blushing. She smiles and gives it back to him. Next, his boyfriend, sitting next tries to play the same game with Anay. He extends his hand to take the keys. Anay Darling extends his hand to give the keys and with the second hand, shoves off the big-guy's hand. :O Whoa!! Man, you're not just a flirt, you're openly shooing off other guys. Hang On! Your mom is not able to catch up!
2. We were walking at night while Anay was enjoying the swings with MIL and FIL. A girl comes to the swings (around 5 yrs of age). He starts going behind her. Then, takes her hand and starts walking with her. MIL and FIL call him and he doesn't care to listen. When the girl's dad comes and takes him to the swing, he stands and watches behind her, hoping to get her back.

Man!! I know all men are same but wouldn't he take some time and be a boy or just a child before he starts on to become a man!? I don't know if I'm happy to know he's straight or am concerned to know that I know this fact so soon!!?
:)

Take Care Anay. Buckle up Swati Garg! God be with both! :)

Touched, Amused, Surprised and Shocked!

It's been quite some time since I posted. A lot has been happening but I just didn't feel like writing. Pinterest and DIY has caught my fancy these days :)
Anay is 1 year old now. His birthday went fine. Not as great as I expected but fine. Perhaps, too much scheming spoils the fun.
Anyways, ever since Anay's birthday has crossed, and ever since he's started walking, he's become one heck of a child to parent. God! He's totally un-put-down-able. He is always on the move.
He doesn't mind going in dark, empty rooms. He wants to touch and feel every thing in the house. He knows if he points to an object, people understand he wants that, and give in to his demands. He walks, he falls, he gets up, walks again.
Too much activity. I ask him often "Anay, what were you doing for the past one year? And, what has got into you now!?" :D
But, it's fun. It's fun to watch him. It's heart-warming to see him all around and full of things.

There are lot of petty small things he's been doing.
1. When I return home from office, I have a habit of touching parents' feet. I do that everyday. I never thought Anay noticed. But, as children notice everything, he did too. He saw me come in the house, he kept playing. He saw me touch mom's and amma's feet. He walks towards me, leaving his play, and gets down to my feet and touched them with both his hands. And, then he looks up, smiling. Ohh God! The feeling, the moment, is totally inexplicable. Totally Totally Godly. :)
2. Anay has taken to keys. He's so obsessed with them that he wants one whenever he sees one. He loves the crankling sound they make. He knows where the key hanger is. He would come to you, get into your arms, and point to the key hanger. He'll keep making 'ummmm'-'ummmm' till you give him one. The 'ummm's keep increasing in intensity from want to demand to anger. Phew!! So much for a one year old. He won't let you do whatever you're doing till you fulfill his demand. It's never a request. Damn, how do people discipline kids. For now, I find it totally impossible to deter him from something. If he wants something, he wants it, and you cannot deviate him.
3. He's realized that spoon and bowl make sound together. Now, he comes into the kitchen and asks for one to play with. I mean, you would think that how can a 1-yr old who cannot speak, ask for something so specific. Wait till you have one. You'll understand that they can pretty well do that. Amazing communication skills they have.
4. He's learnt to say 'No'. Not exactly speak out 'No' but to shake his head and do a 'no'. Initially, I thought he enjoys my hair waving, coz he started doing it when I got a hair cut. But, now I realize that he sees me doing a 'no' with my head shaking, so much, that he's learnt that early. :D Now, when I try to teach him to say yes by nodding his head, he refuses to learn that. Another tool in his arsenal to tell that he doesn't want to eat something. I'm having a tough time feeding him. :-|
5. Now, since he enjoys playing with keys and keep playing with them for hours, he plays with them and leaves them anywhere in the house. Now, then it gets difficult to find them. So, FIL tries to take it from them. He politely asks Anay to give them to him. He puts his hand forward hoping that Anay will keep the keys into his hand. Now, this smart ass, what he does is, puts the keys into GrandPa's hand and quickly snatches it away. :) He's given and he's not given. How do kids get so smart!?? I would expect a kid to not give the key and run away with it. Or, ignore the request. But, putting into his hand, holding the fingers tightly so that GrandPa cannot close the fist, and snatching away the key...this is totally unfathomable for me. :-O

Swati Garg - Better fasten your seat belts. You have one heck of a ride ahead.

Thumak chalat moro kanhaa

And Anay starts to walk. :)
To put a safe date on exactly when he started to walk, I'll say, 20 March'2012. Almost a fortnight before his 1st birthday.
He had been trying to walk since quite some time now. Almost immediately after he stepped into his 11th month, he started persistently trying to walk. He would hold on to things and try to walk...holding walls, doors, sofa handles, anything he could cling on to. But, he wanted to walk than crawl.
Then, he started standing up and stepping 1-2 steps, then he would fall. He fell a lot but kept trying. Nobody pushed him to walk, he felt like doing it himself.
And, then I remember, Bhawna didi was home with kids. I had returned from office. It was Tuesday and I had my con-call with my US manager. And, the moment my MIL opened the gate, I saw him coming towards me, from a distance, walking, peeling with laughter. He was so absorbed in playing and laughing and enjoying with kids, that he forgot he had to fall while walking. :) :) And, he walked almost the whole distance from the Dining Table to the Drawing Room. And then he fell. :D Ohh my baby! I can keep running the tape in my mind over n over. Beautiful moment for me. And, I remember thinking of Tarun. Thinking how he would be so over-joyed on seeing him walking. Tarun was most eager to see him walking.
But, as kids are naughty, Anay took a complete day more to show Tarun that he had learnt walking. I never mentioned to Tarun that I had already seen him. When the next day he saw Anay walking and was out of breath, telling me, I told him that I saw him yesterday. And then, my sweety was disappointed that he got to see  it a complete day later than me. Hahahaha! But, all these moments are so sweet and cherished for me. Joys of my life. Simple joys of life.
Now, it's been almost a week since Anay has started to walk. He has gained more balance to his feet and falls much lesser.
Ohh! Did I mention that when Anay started to walk, he shrugged off my hand himself. As if saying "Mom, I can walk, you don't need to walk me now". :)

Oh Boy! My Man! :)

Determined Anay

There's a adage in Hindi, "poot-kapoot ke pair paalne mein dikhayi de jate hain

Anay has not just inherited his Dad's looks, he has inherited his temper and  his determination too. Tarun is quite adamant when he decides on something. And no one can deter him if he's decided on it.
Anay watches TV like a lost world. Even if you wave your hand in front of his eyes, he'll just move around your hand, but not take his eyes off it. It's quite amazing to watch him do that.

One day Tarun decided this cannot be allowed any further. So, while Anay was lost in watching TV, Tarun started bringing a sofa pillow in front of his eyes. Anay moved above the pillow, or moved the pillow aside, every time Tarun did it. Tarun did it almost 7-8 times and Anay persisted all this while. Amazing is to see Anay's patience and perseverance too. :) :P

Then, Tarun got tired and he moved Anay to face him directly. Tarun tried to scare him with probing eyes, you know, the angry eyes. And, Anay just kept looking at him. And, probed into Tarun's eyes straight. As if, scaring him back. :D

I can never forget the look , I can never forget the episode.

Somehow, it makes me think that Anay will turn out to be a focused person and a difficult child to budge :)

Comparison, Competition and Balance

The world nowadays is marred with lot of vices. And, as a kid, the worst of it, that you will face, is comparison and competition. People, both parents and kids, are running crazily behind things just because everyone else is doing it. It's wrong.
I was born in an environment where competition and comparison was a way of life. I know it's consequences and I know it's damages. The idea behind telling a child about competition is because it puts pressure on the child to do better. Peer Pressure. I'm still working on getting rid of the scars.

I.. would rather like you to do things naturally. I want you to feel driven for things and not pushed for them. If you do something, do it because 'you' 'want' to do it. Don't do it because someone else is doing it. And, don't do it because you have to do it.
Of course, there are things which you will have to do because that's part of our culture or society. And, trust me, if things happen my way, I'll allow you the freedom to question those and take your decisions there too. But, that will happen when the time comes. When you're mature enough to make your decisions. But, till then, you'll have to trust your parents.

Competition these days is growing like tsunami. It is engulfing and destroying everyone in its tides. As you grow up, you'll see children preparing for Engineering Entrance Exams right from Class 6th. That is the kind of preparation that has already started!! God knows by the time you get into school, they would have created programs for kids in Nursery too! Phew! I wonder what it will be like for 'your' kids :P

Honey, enjoy your life. Enjoy the present. Leave the future to itself. Have goals if you really want something. Prepare for it. But before that, know the life, know the world, look at the beautiful world 'God' created. Not just the one 'Man' created. The songs of birds, the love of a mother for her child, the colors of the flowers, the dew in the morning, the first sunshine, the cool breeze, the twinkling stars at the night. The purity. Follow your passion, Follow your heart. Understand what you want to do in life.Don't be like your mother, who is 27 and still searching for what her real passion is :) :D Be like her to not stop searching for it, as long as it may take!

I must mention here, life is about maintaining a balance. At every point in your life, you'll have to maintain a balance. When you're a kid, you'll have to do your homework and you would want to go playing too. Keep a balance. When you grow up, you would have work of office and you would want to spend time with your family too. Keep the balance. If you learn to keep the balance from childhood, you'll not face a problem handling it later in life. Prioritize things and then follow the schedule you made for yourself. A certain amount of discipline doesn't just brings success, it brings more happiness too.

Follow that and live your life king size. I'm there to fend for it. No, I don't want you to be a brat or an irresponsible child. Be responsible for your actions. If you have done something, stand up for it. Don't be a coward and lie to get away from the results. Owe up to them and never regret what you did. When you do that, you will never do anything that you've to hide from anyone. But other than that, do everything that your heart tells you to do. If you think it's right, don't think about what others' right is. If you think doing something is more important than attending an examination, then do it. Explain it to me later and son, I'll understand!

And when you grow up, show the world your true colors. Show them it doesn't matter if you got 100/100 in Maths or Chemistry. What is needed is a clear vision and a passion for the things that actually matter. Be an example that life is not about cramming text books. It's about learning from the world on a day-to-day basis and then dealing with it on the world's conditions.And, making your rules for the world to follow, later!

Go Tiger!!

Letters to you, my cub

Dear Anay,

I've often read about letters that people write to their kids, when they come to know that they are about to die in some time, due to some terminal-illness. I don't have any such illness. At least I know of none as yet...but I want to write letters to you, Anay. The way my life is going, the way things are shaping up, I am no more sure that I would be able to rear you the way I always wanted to.

You would find it odd but ever since I was very small (around 6-7 yrs of age, perhaps), I had opinions or thoughts on how my parents were behaving with me, and how 'I' would behave with my child, once I have him/her. :P This may sound fine to you coz u r listening to your mother, but for anyone else, it would be a funny thought. Maybe you will laugh too if you read this after growing up! :) Nobody, perhaps, thinks of children till the time they actually have them. I did. I used to. Whether it was good or bad, I don't know. That's what I was. That's what made me what I am today. Whatever that is.

I want to share the real 'me' with you. The Mom that you see when you grow up and the mom that has actually given birth to you are very different. Why do I say that? Because circumstances, society, and life changes people a lot. Your beliefs, your understanding of the world, your priorities keep changing. So will I and so will mine. Things I have believed in so far in my life, are becoming meaningless to me now. I know the reason is because I'm more maturer now. I'm growing up, rather growing old. I'm trying to mingle in the world. I'm trying to adjust to the life that everyone else lives, for the sake of my family.

I never did initially.

I lived by my heart. All my life. That's the life I consider as 'mine'. I never regretted anything I did my life. I always took them as a learning.  If I couldn't find any learning, I just took it that I will understand it in due course of time, but I will. I used to listen to my heart a lot. This made me very different from other people. This made me 'me'. But now, I've started losing it. I feel that I'm losing that innocence, I'm losing that heart.

But before the world changes me, and before everything is lost, I want to write these letters to you to tell you, what my heart felt. Because ,somewhere within me, I still believe that my heart was right and the world is wrong.

When I know that was right then why am I changing? The ways of heart are individualistic. They only think of oneself. But, life after marriage is mutual. Your wishes, your dreams, your decisions are all mutual. They are taken as best for your family.  In doing this, sometimes, one own's will has to be forsaken. And this is not something forced on anyone, this is a mutual decision taken by the two people who agree to get married. They agree to set forth on a path for their lives, where they will do anything needed to stay afloat and yet, stay together. If for that, it needs anyone of them to let go of some of their personal wishes, they will. And, each one of them does that happily. Because staying with each other is most important in their lives now. That's the beauty of love and marriage.

.